Gender Roles...not so black and white. (Or pink and blue)

I think somewhere along the line of bearing and raising children, we all as parents are faced with confronting our own notions of where women and men respectively fit into society. I know as a mother I was hit with it as soon as I became pregnant with my oldest son, and it was a real touchy and grave subject to me, seeing as I happened to be married to the king of late-twenties, chauvinistic misogynists. As far as he was concerned, it was a simple matter: a man would work, come home to be waited on, drink beer and exercise any privilege or whim he wished, because...well, he had a penis and generally at least a few pounds and inches on his wife. And conversely, a woman would stay home, raise the children, care for the house, cook the meals, wait on her husband and have rights to go nowhere but the kitchen, bedroom and occasionally the grocery store unaccompanied because those are the only places acceptable for our rib-stealing, whorish gender once owned under the Almighty Law of Marriage.
I never wanted my son to think like that...I often felt it important to remind dear batshit husband that we ditched the horses for motorized carriages called "cars", black people are no longer pieces of property, and utes womanfolk are now permitted to vote, drive and work. Which often prompted a swift slap across my mouth or two hour screaming session because I have yet to learn to properly "shut my whore mouth". Go figure.
The discussions of gender came just ad swiftly. In the vague future of "teenage years", my daughter would have a strict curfew of ten o'clock, my son, none. The rationale behind this? Boys can't come home pregnant. Because clearly unplanned pregnancy is the only concern with teenagers. And clearly him getting someone pregnant is not a possibility. I see it as a pretty overt message: men are entitled to more privilege than women. Conversely, that my daughter I'd more protected than my son. Awful. Sorry, asshole, but I personally loved my kids in utero before I even saw their tiny genitals. Equally. So pink or blue, it doesn't make a difference, I want the same for each and every one.
That being said, although my experience with sexism is extreme, we as a society have a hard time parting with those age old rigid gender roles. Financial burden is shared more equally between spouses than ever. In comparison, the progression of the division of household labor and chilcare is, well, lagging.
I'll say one thing, the more old school you go, the more your kids lose...girls, and boys.
Hypothetically, had we stuck out batshit husband's amazing plan to the end, what would my children have been taught?
Well, my daughter would believe in subservience to a man, hook line and sinker. She would believe herself to be inadequate, lesser, incapable...fragile and secondary. She might develop a shot (or more) of resentment for men, mixed with an unquenchable thirst for male affection, topped off with a splash of antiquated notions about her place in the household and world. Pretty stiff self destructive cocktail. And my sons? A sense of entitlement, delusional grandiose, an affinity for testosterone and control-fueled aggression...masking a heartbreaking emotional vulnerability because girls are protected (nurtured), not boys. Boys don't cry, boys don't deserve comfortable limits, boys are exempt from the rigors of boundaries.
You can't lock down a child, nor can you let them roam free. That in itself is a recipe for dysfunction. Add in reproductive organs as the rationale...and we can expect a generation of fucked up people.
Girls are not all pink, boys are not all blue. They're people.
We all hold on to some bigoted beliefs, be honest! My oldest son, at nearly three, is rounding out a nearly yearlong phase of loving tea parties, dollhouse and baby dolls. And yeah, for a while there, I cringed. Because this is not "manly" stuff. But don't I want him to develop those domestic inclinations to share the burden equally with his future spouse? Old notions die hard. I came to terms with the fact that my son is himself, a beautiful, sweet little person with a wonderful vocabulary, affectionate, with a kind heart and a sharp sense of humor and even in a fucking pair of heels and a dress, all these amazing qualities would still be prevalent as ever.
If anything, the way I feel about gender roles, is that boys need more equality. Boys are disfavored in school, emotionally repressed, privy to morally questionable role models. Our present day "female empowerment" is a damn joke. Men were at one point encouraged to womanize, while women were faced with stigma for exercising sexual freedom. So what did we as a society turn to? Glorifying female promiscuity. What?!? Chlamydia isn't sexist, ok? Why must we lower female standards? Why can't we up it for males? I don't want my daughter to be a rampant slut...but I don't want my sons to be, either.
I'm no feminist. There are biological, inborn differences between the genders, absolutely. Irrefutable. I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to challange that. So...in our abilities, natural strengths and gender specific traits, men and women are not equal. But in our value as human beings, our responsibilities as parents and members of society, and moral accountability, we are. My children will be raised with the same exact rules, moral expectations and curfews, regardless of sex. We are NOT ignorant inbred white trash.
So I no longer cringe even a little when my sons pick up a baby doll. I gladly babysit for my son's make believe newborn (her name is Emily. His choice.) I attend mixed company tea parties, and I indulge the occasional mixed-gender game of Pretty Pretty Princess because bling is bling, bitches. My boys are intrinsically boyish and my girl girly, but they are kids, and deserve the opportunity to explore everything they reasonably and safely can. And if they didn't fit neatly in to the gender package, well, they'd still fit perfectly in my heart. I smile just as much when my boys zoom matchbox cars around my livingroom as when they try on their sisters dressup heels. Its probably just a phase. And I imagine it's pretty hard to beat your wife in a pair of stilettos.