My rambling on my parenting can get boring. But my unfortunate and entertaining self loathing is always there to pitch hit on the blog. So, for your entertainment: A short collection of my latest verse.
"Rebound Pets"
Lovers come, lovers go,
Passion plants a seed, misery will grow.
Rejections stings, but estrangement cuts deep,
Angst is exhausting but ruins your sleep.
Weddings are wasted time,
And babies make your stomach grow fat;
Forget marriage number two,
I'll just buy a cat.
"Soul Mate for Everyone"
I'm told one day I'll grow lonely
(I suppose I'm already there.)
My babies will grow up to leave me
(And leave lines on my face and grey in my hair)
There's a soulmate for everyone,
That's what "they" say;
A man to cherish and adore me,
"True", I reply, with a gleam in my eye,
"But in bed a gay man would bore me."
"Love Letter"
I wished and hoped our love would get better,
When all else failed,
I wrote a love letter.
A desperate plea,
A piteous sonnet,
Sealed with my affliction,
My tears misted on it.
If you were going to treat me well,
Perhaps I should have found another way,
Because, alas, my last lovelorn letter,
Was a 209a.
"Twisted Humor"
Strike me, hit me, kick me down;
Find your comfort in my brow furrowed,
And my mouth in a frown.
Belittle me, frighten me,
Mock my tears,
Corrode my worth over years and years.
Laugh at my misfortune,
Make a joke of destroying my pride;
Tear me open and chuckle at my most intimate side.
But here you're left to say,
"Alack! Alay!,
It's so unfair!"
The joke's on you, fool;
Can't destroy what was never there.
Wasn't the tide, or sweet love's season;
I'm sick and self loathing, asshole:
I took you for a reason.
"Tips for dating a Single Mom"
Show up early,
And I'll probably be late,
Ignore my baffled look
At actually seeing a full plate.
Don't speak about my kids
If they knew you they'd hate you,
And not having to wipe your ass
Is the main reason I date you.
I didn't get child support this week
That's why I seem bitter
And you're not on my speed dial,
I save that for my sitter.
If I dissapear outside
It's probably for a quick screaming match with my ex,
Don't get too offended,
From the minute we met I was too tired for sex.
Empathasize with me this week,
I'm just under so much stress!
Next time I'll mistake it for affection
And be lonely enough to get out of this dress.
But a free meal and some drinks
To me is the high life;
Home before ten, lets do this again,
I've got kids and you've got a wife.
"Internet Dating"
Kids interfere with meeting someone new
Luckily the net helped me find you.
Brand new red dress. Tonight I'm a thriller
Off to meet the Craigslist Killer.
"Greener Pasture"
Men lie, men will cheat you,
If he doesn't do that,
He'll probably beat you.
Men are lazy, dumb and trite,
Even the brightest just aren't that bright.
The best ones out there won't abuse you,
They'll just sit around and annoy and use you.
All in jest, I know a few good ones...
They just happen to be my toddler sons.
