From herein forth, my estranged husband will be referred to as, "BatShit". Make a note, all this baby momma drama is getting my weave all tangled.
Ok, so, generally I am a non confrontational person. Meaning I am a big giant sissy who is afraid of people yelling at me, thinking unflattering things about me, or become aggressive with me. I am also fed up with my tribe of children running me ragged, my generally unsatisfying work situation, my crappy apartment, and my lack of anything personally fulfilling to do. Short story, I'm a pissed-off bad mama-jama. So if you're going to ask my opinion, think really really hard.
Or, you could be my brain dead, four hundred pound, drug addict former mother in law. And if that's the case, then around 4:00pm yesterday, you received a big steaming dump of truth all over your washed up, worn out bulldog face.
I would love to post what I said, internet public. I know you want to hear it, because you're all going to hell. I can't. Way too personal. Probably the worst thing I've ever said to anyone, hands down.
But she made the mistake of assuming she knew my opinion of her family.
This is all I can say: dysfunction is a long-term pattern. It starts up top, with someone who should never have been allowed to breed, who creates more parents that should subsequently not be allowed to breed due to receiving NO parenting/life skills from the aforementioned ill-suited parent, so and and so forth. There are plenty of means of intervention and education available to stop the cycle, I've engaged in a TON to be the best mother I possibly can, because, I am no saint. But there are families out there that are so stuck in being big pieces of crap, they won't even acknowledge their problems. The rest of the conventional parenting world and our "new fangled ways" are ruining the way THEY raised their children - into crazy woman beaters, women with four plus different baby-daddys, women whose children are generally raised by the state more than them because they are BAT SHIT crazy. Men who drink, drug and run wild while some one else cares for their children...generally innocent children who are raised into real-life examples of every social problem well-meaning philanthropists are fighting to eradicate on a daily basis.
It was a bad judgement call. I'm probably going to have the whole redneck army rushing from the trailer after me, ill-fitting T shirts blowing and beer cans a-blazing.
But, hey, I got it out.
Which brings me to my next rant. Dear BatShit, if I don't want to take your phone calls, as the woman who cooked your meals, raised your children and slept beside you in bed all these years....why would my friends? Stop calling my friends. They are repulsed by you. We drink wine at night and in between my incessant self deprecation (or, as it comes out after a couple glasses, self defecation, which is a whole other ball of...well, poop) We taunt you, mercilessly. We pray for your children. I make heartfelt promises to keep them away from the trailer park and everything that you are made of (beer, low self esteem, and everything uneducated). I thank God that I never took your last name, and we speculate that that fact saved my teeth from rotting out of my head. I hate you. STOP CALLING MY FRIENDS.
Yup, the gloves are coming off. I am a bad person. I probably have a seat reserved for me next to Hitler in hell.
Which is my Story of Being Alone:
I hate being alone. I hate feeling like I am responsible for all this, all by myself, on a daily basis. Being alone makes me depressed, which makes me angry....which builds until I blow up, generally on BatShit, which makes me look crazier, which pushes me further into being alone....and such is the cycle.
I play this game on my cell phone, Battle reversi. I lose, constantly. Every move that I make, as soon as I make it, I see how the computer is going to block me, immediately. I think that is a good analogy for my life at this point. Ninety percent of the things that I do, as soon as I do them, there is an "oh shit" moment, where I realize exactly what I have done. The problem is, both in the game and in my life, is I haven't learned what moves to make in lieu of the ones that are going to make me lose.
But for now, I'm still single, spitting venom at my ex, and losing in Battle Reversi.
i think you should post what you said to "moma batshit" you should never hold back on things that need to be said, also never regret any thing that you say in the heat of arguments or debates because 9 times out of 10 its the complete truth and needed to be said. so what if you hurt some ones feelings FUCK them! im sure they deserved it, and in this case it seems pretty evident that they do. I almost Never hold back on my blogs, i say what needs to be said because not many people out there are saying it! and unlike alot of people i dont give a shit what people think of me or my actions.
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