Return of the Ex

"One of these things is not like the others..."
In my family, that odd-fitting piece  is about three and half feet tall, dark, unruly curls, irrepressibly sweet and cursed with a different last name than the rest of the family and freckles that don't match anyone else. My daughter.
When I was eighteen, as a result of a stupidly high BAC level and an ill-advised feud with my parents, my beautiful daughter was conceived. From the moment I felt the first twitches of life within my belly, I was head-over-heels in love. To this day, years later, she is still my little soul mate.
But, for her biological father, not so much.
It always makes me wonder, back then and now all over again, what is it wired in the minds of fathers that allows them to detach from their own flesh and blood so easily. It amazes me. What amazes me more though, it that I have the preternatural ability to seek out men predetermined to do so not once, but twice, within the last seven years. Amazing. Thank God the ability to bear children has been ripped from my womb. With the average I'm batting, I really wouldn't want to tempt fate.
Anyway, the point of all this: The WORST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE.
I found out, through a mutual friend who will herein be referred to as "DeepThroat" to respect confidentiality and preserve my source, had informed me that my daughter's father was expecting another baby.
Ok, I got remarried and had...a few...more babies after this guy. I can't be pissed on principal, or jealousy...but....he walked out on our daughter and never looked back. Not a dime in voluntary child support, no visits, phone calls, birthday cards, nothing. So if you fail at something that conclusively, isn't it just common sense not to do it again?
Nope, people, not for this one.
DeepThroat slides me TheEx's phone number through a text message. I look at it, ten digits, locked and loaded and ready to deliver my wrath.
Let me stop for a minute and clarify something. You know that "bigger person" people always tell you about when you're royally pissed? That picture of morality and calm, who understands what a waste of time and energy petty little fights and mind games are. I'm a mother, I attend church. I pray. A lot. I should be that "bigger person". But I'M NOT. I am a scandalous bitch. If I wasn't so petty, you'd never see me type a damn word.
So, being the amazingly mature person I am, while my children ride their bikes in my driveway and debate how big is too big for a $20 WalMart Diego tricycle, I send my first contact:
Me:____, are you fucking retarded?
TheEx: (must know my number): wth are you talking about? (For anyone who lives under a rock, is an Amish person who came across my blog while exploring the modern world at age eighteen, or my mother, who I HOPE never reads this, "wth" is "what the hell." I'll let you figure out what "wtf" is.)
Me: You already tried the whole parent thing. If you can't take care of the one you have, what makes you think you can have another one?? And drugs, still, really? You need to fix this, or you're going to lose another child. I can't believe you'd even think having another kid while all fucked up on drugs is an option.
TheEx: (Over several different text messages, in several different ways) I'm clean, sober, and not having any more kids.

DeepThroat is a good source, relatively non-biased. TheEx is a pathological liar who probably has some vested interest in not having me find out about the aforementioned second bastard child. And I'm not fucking retarded. He manages to unwittingly corroborate some details from the story originally recounted to me. Obviously all odds point to drugged up father-to-be, again.

But this is not the interesting part.

He keeps texting.

I keep texting back.

I am getting irritated.

He is proposing that we get back together.

He finally admits to having a girlfriend. The first name he uses matches the name of said PregnantGirlfriend mentioned by DeepThroat.

I quote, a text message received from TheEx at 2:43pm, 07-24-2011: (quoted verbatim, bad grammar/spelling intact)
TheEx:I know im with somebody,  but honestly noone has cared about me as much as you did kate. You were only a bitch to me because you saw the the path of destruction I was. chosing and you didnt want to see me go down it. I honestly have always had love for you. And have always regretted walkung out on you n ____. You were my first an only true love an if I could ever have it back I would drop what I was. doinv in a heart beat. I wanna know what I have to do to make  things right again. For us. And _____, reguardless of this fling I have I still care about you a lot. You still have a beatiful voice a great personlity ann your the smartest person I know.

Ok, first of all, you can't unring a bell. When you leave a woman alone to care for an infant with no visible means of support, cause a bunch of problems in her life that snowballs into her seeking the support of a man who later becomes her husband who beats the ever-loving shit out of her, has her pop out a few more kids to eventually do the same damn thing that you did in the first place, there's bound to be hard feelings. Secondly, when all signs point to YOU HAVE A PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND...well, that doesn't make you a particularly standup guy. Thirdly, thanks for putting another nail in the coffin that houses my desire to ever step back out on the dating scene. I was going to finally post my "Kate's Date's Blind Date" add today. Instead I'm going to go home, pork down an entire case of Hagan Daas and lonely, peruse the "cat adoption" adds. Thanks.

But, seeing as I am a scandalous bitch, but not a total shit bag, obviously my answer to TheEx is a resounding: "NO." And if anyone knows of DeepThroat, TheEx, and PregnantGirlfriend, you might want to mention this to PregnantGirlfriend. Oh, and that she's:
TheEx: 3:07pm 07-24-2011: Just another person I try to replace you with. An I always end.up unhhappy an think about what I could have had if I had cleaned up my act then instead of now.

And that yes, she can do better, she can raise that baby alone, and for fuck's sakes, both of you, STAY OFF THE DRUGS.


Oh, on an unrelated note, if "Kate's Date's" on fb can get 500 likes on or before 08-05-2011, I will PERSONALLY picket a "KATE'S DATE'S - BLIND DATE ME!!!" sign at several major rotaries/highways and video tape it, stream it, and post it to the blog, youtube, and facebook. Pinky Swear.